As I strolled down the street eating a Crumbs vanilla cupcake yesterday, I couldn’t help but notice that the amount of frosting administered to this tiny cake was completely ridiculous. I asked myself, “Who likes this much frosting anyway??!”, as clumps of it clung to my fingers.
And then, I remembered.
I remembered right there on 48th street, EXACTLY who likes frosting this much.
*Ms. Finnberg, my third grade teacher, that’s who.
Let me explain.
It was my first week of third grade in a brand new school and things seemed pretty normal so far. Ms. Finnberg had placed my desk next to a really friendly gal with a great Chynna Phillips haircut, (you know, the short bob with the stacked shaved fade in the back?), the uniform wasn’t too bad, and I got to draw a lot, which was very important to me at the time.
Then, on that Friday, some kids from the fifth grade burst into our classroom with a tray of cupcakes. Apparently, if it was your birthday at this school, YOU made everyone else cupcakes and then brought the leftovers to the teachers. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but an unexpected cupcake delivery in the middle of class was maybe one of THE MOST EXCITING THINGS TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME. I immediately started salivating and imagining scenarios in which there’s enough suddlenly for everyone, including me!
But that’s not what happened.
Ms. Finnberg graciously took her cupcake and moseyed on back to her desk. With all eyes watching her, she proceeded to lick the frosting clean off of the cupcake, rotating it again and again until it was a bald glistening mass.
Then, something even stranger happened. Ms. Finnberg suddenly held the bald cupcake high in the air and shouted, “I’m thinking of a number between one and thirty-five!”.
All around me, arms went flying and classmates began to shout out numbers-
Ms. Finnberg was auctioning off this licked cupcake to the class and EVERYONE WAS GOING FOR IT. I felt torn. I knew that if my brother had ever tried to offer me his licked cupcake, I probably would’ve kicked him. But as the new kid, I didn’t want to be the only person who wasn’t jazzed about what was going on.
I decided that I had better jump in fast. “ELEVEN!!!”, I shouted.
And with that number, Ms. Finnberg smiled and said, “We have a winner!”.
I won. I won the freaking licked cupcake and even though I had mixed feelings about it, I sure as hell wasn’t going to turn it down. I was the envy of the class! I WON something!
I heard someone whisper, “luckyyyyyyyyy…”, as I peeled back the paper and took a bite of my prize. And you know what? It was exactly as I expected. Wet and weird.
*Ms Finberg’s name has been changed so that she will forever remain an anonymous cupcake licker.